Dungy's CROSS

Here’s an idea for a comical fake story I’d like to submit to The Babylon Bee. 😅

Former NFL coach Tony Dungy, who led the Indianapolis Colts to a Super Bowl victory in 2007 is very open about his Christian faith. He has been the subject of fleeting controversy ever since his disapproval of same-sex marriage became public. Dungy has served as an analyst on NBC's Football Night in America. Now he has recently announced the launch of his faith-based semi-pro sports league called CROSS: the Christian Roster Of Sanctified Sports. It is a trilateral sports venue: kickball, pushball, and dodgeball. CROSS currently has ten teams, each one that represents a denomination of organized Christendom. They each have their own “slam slogan” directed towards the other teams.

·       Baptist Battalion: "We're dunkin’ you down, and you're gonna drown!"

·       Methodist Marauders: "Don't mess with Wesley's warriors!"

·       Catholic Crushers: "Father, forgive us for what we're gonna do to our opponents!"

·       Presbyterian Predators: "We are predestined to kick your butt!"

·       Lutheran Lions: "We’re Luther's hammer. Prepare to get nailed!"

·       Pentecostal Panthers: "We are tongues of fire ready to give you a licking!"

·       Reformed Roadrunners: "We are TULIPs with thorns in your side!"

·       Episcopal Eagles: "We won't offend you, just destroy you!"

·       Mennonite Monsters: "Think we're pacifists? You're DEAD wrong!"

·       Church-of-Christ Chargers: "We'll beat you beyond any hope of Restoration!"

“This is no fly-by-night sports league” says Dungy. “We intend to put our athletes through professional-level training. In other words, pew warmers need not apply.” Teams will face-off against one another in best two-out-of-three competitions. Dungy added, “The players won’t know if they’ll start with kickball, pushball, or dodgeball because the sequence will be selected at random in each competition.” David Platt, coach of the Baptist Battalion says, “By no means is this for ‘holier-than-thou’ bragging rights. Rather it’s for ‘heftier-than-thou’ bragging rights.”

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